


The Galaxy's Finest

by jupiter_james



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, PWP, Public Blow Jobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 06:34:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiter_james/pseuds/jupiter_james
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard gets drunk and frisky at the banquet to honor humanity's first two human Spectres.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i></i><br/><b>WITH ART BY THE FREAKING AMAZING <a href="http://georgiale-flay.tumblr.com/">Georgia Le Flay</a>!!!</b><br/> </p>
<p>Georgia's art and an anon request on Tumblr inspired this little piece of smut. It was just too perfect to pass up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Galaxy's Finest

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MalikRuttingAssassinAss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalikRuttingAssassinAss/gifts).



"Jesus fucking _Christ_ , Kaidan, this is the last time I put out for you like this."

Kaidan snorted derisively and returned, "you haven't put out in a week."

"It's because I'm angry and you know what I'm talking about." The asari tailor beside him clucked her tongue and Shepard raised his arms again with an exaggerated eye roll.

"I know what you're talking about," Kaidan acknowledged, holding his arms out obediently and not pissing off _his_ tailor. 

"The cleaning bill alone for this shit is going to be _insane_ ," he said.

"Then don't spill anything." Kaidan tipped his chin up a bit as a stylist held up ties one after another, then chucked them all aside for a classic bow tie.

"I have formal wear," Shepard continued. "You do, too. Why aren't we wearing that?" He flinched as the tailor pricked him with a pin when he shifted on his sore feet. Damn all this standing for nothing.

Kaidan turned his head to raise an eyebrow at his husband. "Because we're _humanity's_ first human Spectres. We should look the part. Wear the clothes of our race since we're being honored with such a fancy ceremony."

Shepard's shoulders hunched briefly until his stylist smacked him on the back. "Please stand properly," she said irritably. "We'll never get the correct fit otherwise." She hefted an armload of neckties at him and held them up against his dress shirt in rapid sucession.

"No one wears suits like this anymore," he protested.

"But you wear it so well," Kaidan winked. "Can you at least give me this much, Shepard? Seeing you in an old fashioned suit and scowling at photographers? I've been looking forward to this."

Shepard grinned, a boyish look on his weathered face, and stood tall and straight for the tailor. "Understood," he said. How could he deny that sort of request?

It seemed to take hours for the asari to finish with them, but even Shepard had to admit the result was fairly spectacular. On Kaidan. Fuck what Shepard himself looked like. Kaidan was fitted with a coal gray tuxedo and white dress shirt with black lapels and onyx accents. Alliance insignia embroidered over the heart. Goddamn sexy. And the bowtie. Shepard never thought much of them, but on Kaidan it looked cool. The bowtie looked fucking cool.

Shepard on the other hand... he peeked in the mirror and tipped his lips up just a little. He wasn't smiling at the light gray suit and coal tie with the silver and gold Spectre tie pin - which was also cool - no, he was smiling at Kaidan's expression. One of appreciation and hinting at arousal if they ever got some alone time. Fat chance with a banquet and ceremony and other nonsense planned for the evening. But Shepard had promised he'd suffer through it. He'd smile for the pictures and then scowl for the rest of the night and drink himself stupid. Kaidan would enjoy himself, though. He always loved a good party.

* * *

The Citadel ball room was packed solid with tables and flowers and food and more booze than the Alliance Navy could drink, and that was saying something. The guests of honor arrived fashionably late as instructed by their stylists, and entered the cavernous room to rapturous applause. Shepard thought it was way over done and slightly ridiculous, but Kaidan squeezed his hand in a warning grip and Shepard smirked just enough to please the cameras. They took endless photographs and vids as the happily married Spectre couple made their way to the table with the best view of the Presidium and the proceedings. 

Right before they reached their table flanked by Alliance brass, Emily Wong popped up from out of nowhere as she normally did. "Commander! Major! You both look fantastic! You'll promise me an exclusive for old time's sake?"

This time Shepard actually did grin. He liked Wong. She was the only reporter he could stand. "You bet," he answered for him and Kaidan. "Find us later and we'll talk."

[](http://www.flickr.com/photos/106519177@N08/10813183945/)

She nodded and headed off at a rapid pace for other interviews. Kaidan and Shepard sat at their table and Shepard commenced to drink himself silly, as promised, while the brass praised them and the council gave their congratulations on the war effort thus far. Kaidan listened carefully and Shepard kept refilling the biotic's glass when he wasn't looking. Soon enough his husband began to smile more. And he couldn't stop it and Shepard kept up the flow of expensive Earth wine. When the smile was plastered unwaveringly on his face, their food arrived and people began to mingle and dace. The human Spectres said their hellos and shook countless hands. Then they were ignored, and Shepard was smashed and having a fabulous idea.

Kaidan turned his head to greet some other Alliance blowhard, and Shepard took the distraction to duck under the table into the pitch black. The long table skirt hid him completely. He grinned and wavered on his knees and pitched forward hoping it was the right direction. He collided with Kaidan's legs and earned a sharp kick in the shin. "Sorry," he muttered. A shiny shoe toe poked at him gently and he caught it in his hands, slipping his callused fingers under the pant leg and tugging the dress sock down to feel the skin underneath. He felt Kaidan's calf muscle tighten and then relax. He pulled the trousers up to Kaidan's knee and kissed the kneecap and nipped his teeth down the shin to the sock. The calf muscle began to tremble a little.

He heard Kaidan's soft voice talking to someone above him and Shepard took the time to spread his husband's legs apart and slide in between them. His fingers glided up taut thighs and squeezed. Who was that man talking to and when were they going to fucking leave? His buzz wasn't going to last forever. _Finally._ Best not to waste any time. Didn't know when the next fan was going to come along.

He reached forward and opened the silver belt buckle. Silenced the clink with his hands and immediately went for the onyx button on the trousers. Kaidan squirmed and for a moment Shepard thought he might get kicked and then yelled at, but instead he was mildly surprised when the scooting brought Kaidan's hips further under the table. He pushed his chair as close to the table as possible and slumped back, his groin pushed almost against Shepard's face. 

He'd get a reward for that. Shepard took the pants zipper between his teeth and pulled down slowly, hooking two of his fingers into the waistband of Kaidan's briefs and bringing them down with the zipper. He grinned when he found his husband already half-hard. Wonderful man.

Shepard tucked the elastic of the briefs under Kaidan's balls and poked out a single finger to trace up the biotic's dick to the tip and then wrapped his entire hand around the length, stroking down once, quick and firm. Kaidan's hips bucked and his knee hit the underside of the table. The toe of his shoe nudged Shepard again, but that only made him grin wider. "Just getting you ready," he whispered, knowing that Kaidan couldn't hear him.

His other hand joined in the action, rolling Kaidan's balls in his palm and he raised his chin, brushing his stubble along his husband's dick. When he reached the head, he flicked his tongue into the slit, the salt of pre-cum hitting his taste buds. He opened his mouth and laved his tongue in circles as he enveloped Kaidan's head with his mouth while at the same time unbuckling his own pants. He released his aching cock and stroked himself to full hardness slowly.

Another bump to the table and he could hear glasses and silverware rattling as he swept Kaidan's dick into his mouth deeply. It tickled the back of his throat as he relaxed his muscles to tame his gag reflex and hummed a gentle vibration against the biotic's length. A hand snaked under the table cloth and cupped the back of his head in a firm grip, forcing Shepard into a quicker rhythm. Man, he wished he could see Kaidan's perfect, stoic face breaking just a little right now. But at least he could imagine it. His eyes growing darker and no one noticing in the low light. Licking his bottom lip before parting them slightly with a wistful smile.

Shepard stroked himself faster and curved his tongue around the underside of Kaidan's cock, pressing firmly as his mouth pumped quickly, keeping pace with the hand on the back of his head, blunt nails digging into his scalp as his husband's hips joined in, lifting off the chair and thrusting shallowly.

Shepard could feel Kaidan's orgasm rising in the tightening of his balls and the tensing of his thigh muscles. His own body responded and his abdominal muscles contracted as he felt the familiar tingle in his extremities. 

Kaidan came into his mouth beautifully, his hips rising and holding as his muscles clenched and he shot warm come straight down Shepard's throat. He swallowed every last drop, stroking with his mouth and tongue a few more times to wring the man dry.

Shepard, on the other hand wasn't so neat. With a grunt he spilled his come onto Kaidan's shoes and the hem of his trousers. He twisted his wrist on the final upstroke, dripping onto the cuff and knees of his own jacket.

A moment later the hand on his head retreated and retuned with a silk napkin. Shepard took it a bit meekly and wiped his hands before tucking Kaidan away back into his pants. He cleaned himself the best he could, but there would still be stains. He supposed he'd really be finding out how prophetic his estimate about the cleaning bill was going to be.

But he didn't care. He wondered if Kaidan would be angry at a drunken quickie blowjob while the galaxy honored them for being the finest examples humanity had to offer. 

He buckled his pants and when Kaidan nudged him again with his shoe, Shepard ducked up and slid back into his seat easy as you please. Kaidan glanced at him and his gaze was filled with mischief. And a drunk haze. Too wasted to be angry. And too sated to care about any of the things he was supposed to be feeling. Shepard grinned and licked his lips.

The next morning he learned on the news feeds that Kaidan had been speaking to Garrus during their little interlude and that made Shepard double over with laughter. Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani gave a somewhat mystified report saying that "when Ex C-Sec officer Garrus Vakarian questioned an intoxicated Major Alenko on the whereabouts of Commander John Shepard late into the ceremony, Major Alenko simply gestured under the table."

Kaidan passed him his coffee and the suits wordlessly with a shrug. Shepard dutifully took them to the cleaners after breakfast where he was hounded by a fashion blogger after departing the business. He wanted to know the price of cleaning such garments. His fans were desperate to bring the style back into fashion. Shepard simply grimaced and said, "not worth it."


End file.
